I’m a slug with grasshopper-envy.
Let us count the ways this admission is ugly.
One: In the bug world, the only things that freak me out more than snails are, you guessed it, grasshoppers. (There’s a whole juicy dissertation waiting to be had there. Have at it, PhD candidates.)
Two: Slugs are gross, stuck to the ground and can only “secrete a film of mucus for protection” (Thank you, Wikipedia, for this added ick.)
Three: Grasshoppers don’t fly. They leap. Why the heck am I not wanting to be something with wings? (Dissertation #2, right there.)
I’ll leave the enumeration there. I have slug-stuff to do.